Happiness In The MIdst of Everything Else

I GOT MARRIED!!!!!!! We had a masquerade ball on Friday night to celebrate our union and it was AMAZING!!!! I was an Ice Queen and David was a God. We are amazing together. Thank you to all who showed and thanks to all those who wanted to. If you didn't, you missed quite a bash. I'll post some pictures soon, hopefully.

I could be a wedding planner, but I wouldn't want to deal with anyone other than people like me who are very mellow about marriage and parties. So I guess I shouldn't be a wedding planner. But I had a great time getting everything ready and together for my union!

I love you, David. We are meant to be for life. No matter what negativity creeps around in the dark pits of life. You and I were meant to be.

XXOXOXOXOXOO

Busy? or Just Plain Crazy?

I am an aspiring Graphic Designer. I don't want my skills to diminish while I'm working odd jobs, so of course I want to pick up some graphic design jobs on the side. Save the Date magnets here, Business cards there, brochures sprinkled in around the outside..... But why do I feel the need to take on extra jobs while I currently work 60 hours a week? What is it that I'm fearful of if I just don't do something for one minute?

What is it that I won't accomplish by sitting down for one month and not having anything else to do. Am I afraid that I won't be capable of competing when I get to the real world? Is it that I need to prove my self worth to others? OR! _ what if I'm one of those people who needs to have too many things going on so I have stuff to bitch about? I hope not.

I like making sure that I'm living my life to the brim. I want to make sure I am doing everything I can to expose myself to every possibly opportunity. I have a hard time saying no to people because I know that when they ask for my help, they actually want it. I want to make others happy so I want to do it... Confused yet? Good, we're in the same boat.

After this job is over, I'm going to do nothing but sit.......

..

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and do graphic design work ;)

Self Doubt

I have always been a fairly confident person. I am one of those who is always perky all the time... except when I work 60+ hours in one week. I was even giving my store manager a run for her money when I was working more hours than she was a week. She has a daughter who needs her right now; she needed to be a mom while she was working 60 hrs a week for Spirit doing things she shouldn't have been made to do. So knowing that I was running with the "big dog" and holding my own with minimal screw ups was definitely a boost in self confidence.

However, the harder I worked, the more stressed out I became. One night, about 3 weeks in, I left the safe door unlocked after my other AM did, not even 4 closes later. This hurt me bad. It blew my ego down the drain. See, my manager really pumps me up. She tells me what I need to do and I do it. She has a lot of confidence in my abilities, and it has been proven she thinks I'm capable of much more than I actually am.

Even though I have reduced myself to 20 hrs a week, I still feel doubt in all actions I make. I'm no longer an assistant manager, but I'm not just another hire. Since I started this blog, I have gradually carried a key again. I still do returns/exchanges. I still have management abilities, but without the end of the night responsibility. I don't have the confidence to run the store when someone else isn't there.

Sometimes I feel like this nervousness I feel is transferred over into other areas of my life. If it's affecting my other job, my relationships, or even my own personal worth.